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Brain and Change (Oct 2020)
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Hi Leslie,
I appreciate what you noticed about your client, “she automatically started looking for other potential alternatives to her challenges that she had not thought of”–her Reticular Activating System is searching for what will support her growth and wellbeing…. Somehow her threshold experience created an intention and now her brain is sifting through extraneous information to find what will most support her. Wow!=)
Maria
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Summary Post: A big take-away from Brain and Change 2 is the deeper understanding that a majority of human behavior is automatic; a product of programs being run based on past experiences and memories. Lack of purpose or intention leave us subject to unconscious, automatic behavior. When we’ve placed no importance on anything new in our reticular activating system, the brain assumes that the default programs are meeting our needs. In coaching, the process of unwinding this auto-pilot tendency in our clients begins with powerful questioning. Questions designed to make them pause and think activate the PFC and gets them out of story and into the present moment. It is from this place that we can identify and create the new ways of being we desire. We have something new to focus attention on and create intention around and this causes internal resonance.
Being intentional as much as possible in our lives reduces the tendency to be on auto pilot. Having rituals that merge behaviors and ideas make this possible. In coaching, we need to help our clients create their ritual(s). Something they’re going to habitually do that reflects their intended way of being. Without this, success of change is very low.
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@Maria
“We asked each speaker to offer wisdom as to how to approach moving towards her goal of having the home she envisions. Each offered compassionate advice and wisdom, which led her to identify her big need:”I need to get rid of a bunch of junk to make space in my life, both literally and metaphorically”; and her want: “I want to find a life partner and have a family. I want to make room in my home to be a more hospitable space for people.” This was the first time she had been able to clearly identify the longing in her heart.”you do a beautiful job of weaving in partswork, powerful questioning and recognizeing what tools/skills set to bring in during a session that offers the opportunity for your client to propel themselves forward. I am inspired how using partswork assisted your client to the create a new mythic image and recognizing the want and deeper need.
You assist in drawing out their inner wisdom and self discovery. Reading about your client’s “dismantling of
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@maria, my response cut off. here’ the rest of the sentence:
You assist in drawing out their inner wisdom and self discovery. Reading about your client’s “dismantling of feelings of shame and old stories” is powerful.
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Initial Post:( this may be a little long winded)…
A recently client, we meet every other week, was expressing to me being triggered by the use of specific words “God” and Judgement. She had grown up in the Mormon tradition, which she described as not resonating with her and it did not make her feel good inside, there was an inner conflict, so she chose, years ago to leave the Mormon church., while this client expressing being in touch with her spirituality, connection nature, and she is self reflective she still recognizes within her a trigger of anger and anxiety when hearing those words. She described an incident when she was sharing an observation with her husband about some people she noticed at the farmers market, and she thought it was fun how they expressed themselves by coloring their hair purple and so on, she stated he immediate responded and said, “so you’re judging them.” She said she immediately felt her body tense up and was frustrated, because now she felt she had to explain, that no, she was not judging them, in just making an observation and enjoying their self expression. She felt that she was not able to freely express herself, now feeling judged by her husband. She later expressed, by the choice of words her husbands using she often feels criticized and that she cannot do anything right.While my client and I had a prior session which explored what her body physically felt when hearing the words “God” and “Judgement” where she expressed she felt her body tense, and her stomach was tight. I asked what emotion(s) she noticed, she stated anger and frustration. I asked when she first felt this way about these words, she stated church. During this session I she had described her relationship to these words as negative and controlling and condemning others. While she believes in God, she was finding a new relationship with experiencing her faith and what it meant to her, (not Mormonism), just her internal faith and being in the world. During this first session, I asked what kind of relationship would she like with these words and she stated a positive one. I asked what would that feel like on her body, she said, joyful. In her own words, I asked her to change or create her own use of the word “god that brought her joy and what she would want to say in place of the word Judgement and to pay attention to how the new words felt in her body. We pendulated back and forth with until she felt she was in a softer more accepting state. I share this because it ties into the next session when she spoke about her husband’s choice of words and how they impacted her.
In a follow up session, she described how she feels inadequate, but knows she’s not, but feels it nonetheless, because she feels her husband “criticizes” her choices. While in her mind she knows that he poses no ill intention toward her and is quite supportive of her, but she is recognizing a disconnect in their communication, but also how she is feeling the in her body. She recognized it the feeling of being judge and not good enough, which she tied back to her experiences in the Mormon church. She stated she had been practicing recognizing how her body felt, and brought awareness to herself, and would go inward and would ask her body what it was noticing and what feelings were present. While practicing self reflection and contemplation she would allow herself a moment(s) before responding to her husband, and she was beginning to notice a difference within herself the more she brought awareness to her what her body was experiencing, she could calm her nervous system, by placing her hand to heart, which we had practice in a prior session.
She stated that one day, her husband called her over to watch a vide0, that brought tears to his eyes, its was about the power of speach/language, and how the way we choose to speak cause the feeling of “points” being taken way from someone. Something clicked for her husband, and he asked apologized to her if his use of language/choice or words ever contributed to feeling like she lost points with him, he was sorry. I asked her how that felt to hear him acknowledge him and you? She stated it relieved the tension in my body and I could feel it relieved tension in the air between her and her husband. She said, it’s like we found a common language. I just did not what language he spoke? and He did not know what language I spoke. I asked he what did finding a coming language give you? She said peace. She felt like she could collaborate more with her husband now, because she undersands herself more, and he now understands what she has been trying to express.
She stated it was helpful to have had the practices of mantra and brining awareness from our prior sessions as she worked with recognizing patterns in her system, then a syncroncity of finding a common language shifted her relationship. I asked her is she wanted to go on a wonder and see we she noticed now? She excitedly said yes. All I can say, I witnessed my client observe nature through a new lenses. She took notice to a tree branch, part of it was old, the old the part and new growth. I asked her what did that mean to her. She said, well, that “I let old parts of myself die, new growth happens, but it’s not like the old is no longe there, it supported me to get to the new, I just no longer need to focus on the old anymore…”
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Synopsis, some take away from brain change 2 is that often times people are running on old programming and it can remain in the unconscious. When bringing into the a conscious place can create room for a new pattern to be developed. Create new neuro network can be supported by allowing a new perspective. In my case with the client, she was creating a new perspective and relationship to words and language. So much information is within our physical body, we just need to slow down, ask, and pay attention, learn the language of our physical body, and the process it goes through to promote change in they we function day to day. change and transformation is always possible.
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**Initial
I will admit that Brain and Change 1 and 2 have been hard for me to comprehend. I struggle to connect the parts of the brain and the chemical reactions to genuine personal interconnectedness. That being said, some of the metaphors used helped me to understand it a little better.
I do not have a client, so I will reflect on my personal experiences.
While meeting with my practice coach, I reflected a lot on a common narrative that I have had on a loop for quite some time. A decision that was made that cannot be undone. Though all parties involved have come to a place of resolve and understanding, it still deeply affects me.
I am reminded of the analogy of the canyon, with water rushing to carve out the walls. The negative loop that I am in is water forming a path in my mind—activating those neural pathways. I need to figure out a way to create a new narrative, a new canyon.
I am beginning to incorporate ritual into my daily routine, to solidify those new pathways, but I wonder if it is enough. Because, I notice the water still flowing toward the old canyon, even if at a slower rate.
As I read through everyone’s posts, watch the video and reread the handouts, hopefully I will gain insight and further develop healthy habits.
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**Gina
I love the observations made by you and your client. Tackling a topic as big as God and spirituality is quite an undertaking, but it seems that you navigated it well. I like that despite the potential enormity of the subject, it was able to be parsed down to something more manageable, feelings of judgement from her husband.
Having your client reflect on what emotions she was feeling and where in her body she is feeling them helps to ground the experience. It allows the client to really feel their feelings.
It’s encouraging that her husband found the video and recognized some negative aspects of himself—and was able to apologize to his wife. What a big step in their relationship! I wonder, were you able to help facilitate any communication between them? If not, I wonder if the husband would also benefit from your coaching presence.
I love that nature was able to be incorporated into your client’s experience. The metaphor of the old branch with new growth on it speaks volumes to her experience.
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**David
I love that this session was unplanned. It’s so important to hold space for our clients and be able to attune to their needs. Well done for recognizing when the conversation shifted, and you were able to move into the coaching role.
I think it was good that you reminded he that you aren’t there to work on her husband and helped her refocus on herself and her process. It sounds like you were successful in shifting her focus, by asking her what role her partner plays in her vision. What a powerful and thought-provoking question!
It sounds like providing her with the stages of change helped to bring things into perspective for her. It’s good that you were able to share that with her to help her define her purpose and intention.
It’s amazing the impact being in nature can have on helping us to refocus on what is most important. It sounds like that experience brought a sense of clarity to her life and her intention. It’s good that you were able to plan the hike in such detail. You were able to help guide her experience without being there beside her.
It sounds like you were able to provide good insight and resources for her as she moves through threshold. Good work!
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**Summary
As I was considering what to write for my summary, I was reminded of a client experience I had that I wanted to share.
While I do not have NCC clients, I am a volunteer with Postpartum Support International and recently had a dad that I spoke with at length, whose experience I think fits this module.
He is a recent father, experiencing anxiety, panic attacks, and intrusive thoughts. First, I simply held space for him to tell his story, without an agenda and without interruption. It was a story he needed to tell. After telling his story, his fears, and concerns about the thoughts he was having, I explained the neurology of his intrusive thoughts. His mind is essentially in overdrive, trying to protect him and his family by showing him every possible danger. I helped bring him to a place of calm and understanding and reminded him that these thoughts are not based in reality. By the end of the conversation, we were joking about 2020, telling stories about our kids and generally just chatting. After our conversation, I emailed him resources on services provided by PSI and articles reminding him that these thoughts are common and he’s not “crazy”.
I share this because to me, it shows the importance of simply holding space for your client. I had very little background on his story going into the conversation and no idea if he posed a legitimate risk to himself or his family. If I had gone into the conversation with assumptions, I wouldn’t have been able to serve him fully.
That’s the importance of these modules. We must hold that space for our clients and those we support.
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Initial Post: I’m now working with a new practice client and this information was delivered and taught to us with perfect timing to assist this young man. He approached me, I’ve been a Mentor to him for a long while now through work only, and he asked if I could help him with a couple of things going on at home. I said, Yes…and then asked if we could pause so I could go over with him what that relationship might look like. We spoke about confidentiality, our roles and what he wanted out of our time together. Taking time to establish this agreement and build safety for our conversation happened naturally and effortlessly. He is in his mid 20’s and is filing for divorce after being married for only 1 year. His wife cheated on him with a co-worker and he felt betrayed, lonely and scared. He is also a recovering addict on the verge of relapse. The challenge for me right away was being clear about what I could NOT assist with. Regarding addiction…I directed him to his sponsor, support team and church. He understood that and happily complied with my request for additional support. From there…with safety in place and the confidence I could serve him at a high level…we began to talk and enter the severance process. In this conversation…this module showed up right away…I noticed that his mind was programming his brain. I could never really “see” this unfolding in another person in real time before (that I was aware of). It was almost as if the divorce wasn’t that big of a deal…in fact…he knew it was the inevitable. Of more importance was his mythical character. He began to describe what he really wanted in life, for himself, in a relationship and what was possible with his new found freedom.
We wandered in a newly opened natural area in our hometown after stopping to meditate and drop in. I choose this place on the outskirts of town…remembering the impacts of the studies referenced in “Your Brain On Nature” and how a natural setting can offer calm and comfort compared to a city setting like our office where we normally meet. I remembered times at the Starhouse…where resourcing was such a powerful experience…so we talked about that and discussed his resources. Then, the books and face to face lessons blossomed….nature and science took over and he lead us on an adventure to learn about boundaries. His integration process was powerful and creative. In fact, this was my most powerful session to date. I’m surrendering as a guide and noticing the power of nature and science coming together to provide a profound experience for the client and an extraordinary space for magical conversation and healing. -
Summary: I’m taking away a greater understanding of my own brain and how I change from this module. As a coach, I’m operating with a greater awareness about what is or what could be…going on with my clients at any given time during a session. This awareness have given way to powerful questions and curiosity as a coach/guide.
I’m enjoying and taking away a more in depth knowledge base about the science behind the nature connectedness that I love so much. This scientific information will empower me to work with and be effective for a wider demographic of potential clients. -
David:
Your powerful coaching was shining in this share.
“Since she had experienced many ups and downs with her vision, I wanted to bring awareness to the stages of change. I shared the stages with her and she quickly identified that she was in contemplation, but also noticed that she’d been in Maintenance stage with this issue.”
I appreciated that you were able to identify the stages of change, offer the stages and education and then have the patience to allow your client to DISCOVER for HERSELF where she was and where the issue was/is. This is excellent! Also, this is a great service to her…as she sharpens her skills to coach herself in this life and during the integration/incorporation stages.
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Leslie:
“Another major concept that comes to mind is empathy. We have the wiring within our brain to create mental maps of another person’s mind, and to intentionally take their perspective.”
I’m reminded of the several times you have coached me. I never doubted your intelligence and strength. What always blew me away as a client…was/is your ability to incorporate equal parts empathy. Your empathy and vulnerability as a coach brings safety and wisdom. I’m a big fan of your style!
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I find that it can be very helpful to be able to explain to a client why certain aspects of the process are so important and how they work. I know that I personally have sought out “peak” or “threshold” experiences throughout my life, and then have been disappointed over time when the insight I gained during that experience faded away into oblivion. I personally have found it so much more empowering to be guided into a clear intention through severance, through threshold, and then have quite a bit of follow up with the integration. I have found that when one integrates their threshold experience for multiple weeks, and continues to let that integration evolve (in order to remain relevant), the integration process becomes more of a prolonged threshold experience.
I can assure clients that the change is taking place when they continue with their integration process, long after the original the threshold has ended.-
Hi lovely James, I agree with you on the importance of integration after a powerful peak or threshold experience. I feel really passionate about this. I have experienced many peak experiences in my life, but in the end, none of them really matter that much unless I put the work into incorporating them into my life. I don’t think our highly stimulating and easy-access society stresses the importance of that. I’m curious to talk with you about your ways for guiding clients (and yourself) through the integration and incorporation process of peak experiences. What works and what doesn’t. I know we went over this in our NCC course, but I’m interested to continue learning and exploring how to better guide incorporation.
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