Discussion- Brain 2 and Change (June 2020)

[Sheri]

INITIAL POST: This coaching session was held by phone. After confirming her acceptance of my guiding her through the session and reiterating the confidentiality statement, we started the session with a 54321 resourcing technique to help center and bring us into the present. I am proud of myself for not asking but rather suggesting, “Let’s start with a centering or connection practice.” Often I will simply ask how they are feeling and often they state that they “feel good and ready,” so we just move on into the session. I had a realization after watching some of our recordings that the nature connection piece is part of what makes working with me(us) unique from other coaches and there is importance in doing that, so I will set the intention that with clients from here on out the first step of our coaching session ceremony is connection. After introducing them to a few practices I will ask them what works for them or which they prefer. I did ask her if she had a preference on breathing or another option? I really didn’t know where this was going but she was open and willing and the 54321 idea came to me in the moment. It really did seem to bring her to a different state, that I could even feel over the phone! In fact, now that I think about it, since we were on the phone her description of the things she saw around her that brought her joy brought me some insight to what she had around her. Which I did reference later in the session.

When stepping into severance I asked what she felt would be a good use of our time today that would move her forward. She has a tendency to story and I knew she had a lot of things happening recently, in fact, we haven’t met in several weeks due to many events in her life, as well as, the intensive on my side. As much as I was interested in hearing how things were going for her I wanted to respect her time and not fall into a trap of chatting our time away getting caught up, so I was intentional in naming that with her. This seemed to really help her narrow her thoughts. While we still processed through a handful of things figuring it out, we came around to her saying “I want to become more resilient.” After clarifying what resilient meant to her, which I was glad I asked because her description and what I would have worked off were different enough it could have been an issue, because I see her as resilient (in my definition) but obviously she didn’t (in her own). Then we got clear on when and how she felt when resilient, as well as, when she did not feel resilient. The difference in her energies between the two was noticeable. We went deeper into that. How does her energy feel in this state and not? Then we were able to get to what she needed to do and how she needed to be to become more resilient. Finding us at the threshold, and quickly running out of time for our session (we did end up going over) we discussed how she needed to approach some upcoming events differently than she would have in the past to help her maintain that sense of resilience. We established some ideas and it required me to educate her around this concept of changing our pathways, patterns to how we want to be. Including the “Grand Canyon” and how it can take time and that practicing helps us to establish that new pathway before we are in the predicament of being faced with going with the old flow pattern. There was an ah-ha around how “we can heal those patterns” (her words) and she was even able to relate to how she has done that in the past by overcoming other obstacles. We decided to work on this concept of threshold more in the next session, in addition to the steps she plans to include in her daily self care practices she currently has.

Looking back on this session, that happened only about 3 hours ago now, I am excited that my understanding of change theory and awareness of her pattern was able to help me guide her to discovery for herself around the potential for change by rerouting this grand canyon. In addition to the 54321 resourcing practice nature was used elsewhere in our session. We used several nature metaphors and analogies as we talked through her current flow and the desired new flow. Plus, being a phone call I was able to wander around in my backyard during! In hindsight, I wish I had been more attuned to the nature around me as now I wonder if there were things I missed. I was connected and felt supported in my nature bubble but I was not looking to nature for guidance in relation to the coaching session. Next time! Also looking back over my notes I am wishing I had held her longer in those moments when she was describing how it felt when she was resilient, to help her connect with those feelings in a stronger way. Maybe bring them back later, too, in the threshold. There’s a couple other moments when she was in touch with her vision and stated it, I wish I had slowed us down a bit there to sit with that more and feel it, not just stay it. I don’t want to second guess the moment because sometimes things just move through quickly and on to another important piece, or down a different path. Glad I have the notes though, so I might bring us back to that in the future, if it fits.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Initial Post
I had the opportunity to meet with my client as we were out on a mountain bike ride this weekend. We rode and were able to chat on the flatter parts of the ride which gave us time to let the story unfold in an interesting way with breaks in-between when we hit a climb or a fast downhill. With this client, I knew we could do this since he likes to have time to think/re-think concepts and come back to them. Then we would come to a shady spot so we could take a break and really hunker down on things. On our last break before the end of the ride, we really hit into threshold and spent the time really pulling nature into the conversation.

The session went back to a topic we’ve gone through before – he’s in a stressful job and feeling the weight of this. With the pandemic, it has become an even more overwhelming amount of work and he’s been going into the negative whenever another issue or challenge comes up. And he’s been bottling up this stress too until as he puts it ‘ragey’ and takes it out on those who are most important to him, including himself. Really, it is mostly himself. So being out on ride already put him into a more relaxed state, then as we were moving through this he was able to look around and really express how being out in the desert gave him that sense of connection and what was really important. I wish I could’ve taken a picture of how he raised his arms like he was hugging the landscape and just breathing it all in. Was so powerful and such a reminder of how nature can be so important for our clients in what we do! And really, it got him onto such a clearer path from that point forward.

During the discussion we talked about how our reactions to memories help shape experiences, then and now. And how these reactions can be re-programmed to change the way of his actions toward the stress he feels he is under (we got into the science a bit on the concept of neuroplasticity). That his immediate action/reaction is to go to the negative when something trips up and then lashing out to make people get things done. That is how he has always approached it and then people jump out of fear or more anger. So this initial reaction has continued to build the myth of how he needs to deal with the stress. I then posed to him the question of how he would feel if he gave the space for letting others figure it out and not ‘fly off the handle’? And what would that mean when he took it out of the work context so he wouldn’t carry that burden into himself and onto other areas of life. We had some big silence on that one! There as more from there but we ultimately came back to that feeling of hugging the desert and the world around him. And there seemed to be a resolve that he really wanted to take that into his life.

Yesterday I got a text from him that something came up that took up his stress levels yet he didn’t go to the negative. He stayed quiet to see what would happen. He followed up again today with another text saying he was still reeling in his response yesterday and that it was completely appropriate. That staying in the positive allowed the outcome to be for the best. And he was amazed how easy it really was to the kill the negativity by changing his response and emotions to the situation. Am so thrilled for him that he was able to change his story. I do think this is still just the beginning but that this is the first step to re-programming and creating that new myth. And, I trust that I will be able to help him as he continues down this path.

[taylor.j.short]

Kim! So inspiring! I love reading about your coaching sessions and how you weave in and out in this state of freedom to uncover whatever should present itself. And I abosolutely loved the little nudge you gave him to ponder what it would look like to move past his old story of flying off the handle. I could feel the shift in energy through your writing. And then how you incorporated the explanations as well! Nice work – super inspiring. Also, loved the idea of talk, then silence to digest. I as a client love that concept so I can sit for a minute with what’s shifting and happening.

[Amber McCormick]

Kim, what a powerful session! This is so awesome. Your story got my wheels turning for something I want to do with clients as soon as I have my Guide’s License. There is this AMAZING cave, 2 miles up a mountain near me. It’s a steep one, but the cave is really cool and powerful (so much I can do with clients there). I love the idea of using the easy stretches and rests as time for the deeper conversations and then using the rigorous parts as thinking/simmering time. I’ve played a little with giving clients a nature break in the middle of our sessions and the time to let things settle was really helpful and productive. It’s interesting to see this concept applied to a physical experience too. I imagine the physical movement also helps sequence some of the trauma that’s coming up (whether conscious or unconscious). Very cool session. Thank you for sharing!!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Hi Sheri – Really interesting that you were able to tell the energy over the phone. Have yet to try a phone session since it feels even more disconnected than a Zoom call but sounds like that really wasn’t the case! I also appreciate your approach of the 54321 resourcing. I think we all want to start our sessions out with a way for our clients to connect but feel that sometimes that can be awkward when you ask vs. direct. And having an idea of what will work for that client.

So important to ask her for her definition of resilience as it is to easy for us to go from a place of what we know it to be. Reminds of other areas I’ve studied when we see things as colors and each color can mean different things to different people. Coming at it from her place and how to work within that is key. Am really curious to know how different her definition is or was it just how she applied it to herself?

So it sounds like you feel if you’d been more attuned to nature as guide while you were talking, you may have helped to get her to the answers your client was seeking? Maybe a gift you could share with her? I can see that as a great way to do things but there is also the concern that you may have not been able to hear all that she was saying as well. Of course that might just be me too thinking I’d get distracted 😀

[Sheri]

Kim – LOVE! Love that you did this on a ride. It just really feels like your passions are coming together. The natural pauses for thinking that the trail provided feels like nature stepping in to participate. How exciting that he is seeing such immediate success from the awareness you helped him find. Including his sharing that success, and sounds like amazement, with you. I did have the thought/concern for snap back / relapse, as you also referenced, in this just being the beginning. He is fortunate to have you on this journey with him, helping him stay on, and get back on, the right trail! Way to go.

[Sheri]

Kim, I think sometimes being on video is more distracting to me than the phone. Probably could do some parts work around that one.

Our definitions were different enough I would not have used the terms she did. I see resilience as more of a “bounce-back” ability, picking yourself back up or bouncing things off instead of them taking you down. Her description was steady, open and flexible. Not that there is a right or wrong, and in some ways these work together, but it felt quite different to what I expected in the moment and caused me to shift in my thoughts and questions. When I asked about when she feels more resilient it was in these descriptions that the energy shift was clear. She felt resilient when she is doing the self care steps she knows she needs and gets good sleep. Non-resilient feeling comes in when she gets overly busy, stressed and closed off. When I mentioned feeling the shift in energy when she shared these two descriptions it caused her to go back and consider her energy state in each as well. She described them as her energetic cords spiraling up and outward and colorful when resilient versus folding in on themselves when non-resilient. This awareness helped reinforce her desire to work on the prioritizing of her self care. She is already clear of the importance of doing these steps for herself but I think the visual and tapping in to the energy level helped to strengthen that need and clarify her visions. It is such an honor to witness someone’s shift in awareness and to support them in rerouting to the future they desire!

[Mandy Bishop]

Kim, awesome work! Reading this just brought up for me how powerful having educational or teaching moments can be. Look how powerful it has been for all of us! It sounds like helping your client learn about neuroplasticity and the power he has over his own neural connections, as well as his actions/reactions had a profound effect on him. Like you said, there is more work to do in maintaining the new tributary of the Grand Canyon, but it’s so exciting to me how much choice we all have over ourselves and our lives with greater understanding of how we’re wired.

[Nadine]

INITIAL POST
I met with my client on July 8, a week after our last powerful Partswork session. My client was excited to recount how her life has been flourishing. She gave me several concrete examples of events that have happened in the last week, and wanted to explain each in detail with background info and all. It was amazing for me to watch, there was not much for me to add, and though I personally did not have to hear all the examples to understand that something positive was happening, I could not interrupt her, there was so much excitement and pride to be able to “show me” it was happening. This part of the session lasted a long time, and there was no coaching, and my mind was starting to get busy to find a way to get out of the conversation mode. I introduced the concept of the RAS and read her a couple slides from the book. Her intention has been so laser focused lately and her RAS has been highly programmed and the work is happening. When she mentioned that she was not consciously making this happen I shared a few stats about how much the subconscious and unconscious actually ran the show. she appreciated the information and it made even more sense to her, and she appreciated the power of intention.

Though she had not done her mandala snapshot daily as she had intended, she mentioned that it had stayed with her the whole week and recalled how the three parts that had been positioned on the mandala as a wall between the Soul and the Introject “I am not good enough”. She said it gave her a new way of being and the introject (which we renamed the hooligan because she does not seem to remember introject) did not have the same power, because she had a place to put it, to the side and as far as she could on the mandala.

My client has been offered several opportunities lately, and typically she would say that she was interested, but would never really follow up because “she is not worth it”. This week, she said she felt ready and that voice was not there. She said our last session gave her laser focus and removed what was in the way.

My client could not find the link for the jamboard I had created for her last week in advance of our session, thus could not readily refer to the changes she had made. She asked me what parts she had added. I reminded her it was the Healer. Healer was a part I suggested last week, and from my vantage point it was obvious that part was missing. She wholeheartedly agreed to add to Healer to her mandala saying that others had mentioned it and laughed it away. She agreed though it was such an important part. If it was so important how did she forget it again I thought?? I decided to probe into it, and she said there was a story behind it that she would tell me later, but in her mind to be a healer you needed to have studied academically and have a diploma to prove it. I asked her if the Healer wanted to talk to the Soul and she agreed. I had noticed this beautiful artsy pillow behind her, with a gorgeous drawing of a deer, and a design I could tell was very special. Before asking my client to select a couple of objects to represent the Soul and the Healer, I asked her to show me the pillow. She told me its story and showed the sacred designs within the drawing. It was just gorgeous. Then I asked her to select 2 items, and she picked that cushion for the Healer and a gorgeous big and plump mug for the Soul. She knows the drill now, but I did remind her about the qualities of the Soul and to talk using the 1st person. The Soul was addressing the Healer in a way that was not resonating with me, and yet I could not put my finger on it so I did not intervene. When it was the Healer’s turn, I could tell my client was reaching really deep within herself to find a voice for the Healer, some words came out but fewer than usual, there was a different feel to it. And I thought, the Healer has not expressed herself for a long time, she has even been repressed and has lost it voice, or does not have a voice yet. So I told my client that I wanted to try something different to bring the Healer out and she agreed. Instead of conversing with the Soul, I used the 10 or so questions to interview the Part. And it was amazing for the client, so much that we wished we had recorded the session. It was totally unexpected. When asking the Healer where she existed in the body, she located the spine, and she added she embodied the backbone in a very determined and confident way.
Then my client shared with me what had happened. She moved to the NW 20 years ago to go to medical school. 911 happened during her first year and with all that came with it, she did some soul searching and decided that being a doctor was not what she ultimately wanted to do, and that day she had decided that she could not be a healer because she could not have a diploma. She said the Interviewing of the Parts has already allowed her to reclaim the Healer.

At the end of the meeting I asked her what was the most helpful and without any hesitation Partsworks and the interviewing of the Part. She added “it gives me an authentic power and self care so that I can give, serve and care for others”.

We decided not to do any planning for the next session nor have any action items. She is about the go on a 8-day quest including 4 days solo and fasting so this is the upcoming work. We decided to resume our sessions mid-August upon my return from my quest.

Before we closed the session, I asked her what part of her body was the cushion touching (she had placed her cushion/Healer back behind her). For a second she did not get my question, but then she screamed “my spine, my backbone!!!!” and that was such an amazing threshold experience. I asked the permission to make one more request of hers, and she agreed. I asked her to give the Healer a big hug and she took her pillow in between her arms and squeezed it for a long time with her eyes closed. I invited her to take Healer out sometimes and walked her maze together. She thought it was a great idea and we parted.

This client is incredible. What I get to practice with her is being creative and being ok not knowing where we are going, and feel totally comfortable looking at my books for help. It often feels very much like a conversation and I feel like I should do a better job reeling myself out of the stories. But then something amazing happens for her.

[Matthew Nannis]

This sounds so amazing Nadine. I read so much confidence and flow in your practice client reflections of late! You relaying these tracking instincts into when to push/probe with your client, and when to let things sit: it’s so exciting even to read. The work we have all done in the intensives and that you have clearly done in between them comes across with absolute clarity in your recounting of your practice sessions. I find the ability to sit with, as a coach, “hmmm…this isn’t tracking…this is off somehow…” is such a visceral response and also a tricky one for me when it arises (is that my ego/agenda cropping up?! or am I on target and they’re deflecting?!). Sounds like real effective work in identifying the “off” and redirecting/coming up with a new approach!

[Nadine]

What a powerful session Kimmie!! WoW!! In reading your post I can’t help but draw some parallel between how your session evolved with the breaks in between flatter parts and the way Michael took us in the last intensive with breaks between identifying the issue, the want, the bigger need, etc. It was very powerful for me then and it seems like it was for your session as well. You write this client likes to think/rethink concepts and come back to them, and I think based on our teachings, the magic happens really beyond the conscious brain, so having time to let it seep in might be useful for the brain to not try to figure it out consciously. So thank you for sharing your story. I was able to relive how powerful it was for me and reinforces my curiosity around how to implement pauses in a coaching session. What comes to mind and if I were to have a small group coaching session, let’s say with 3 people, after an initial kickoff of the session, I could send people on a wander walks. I will hold mini one-on-one sessions for 15 m with each and wander walks would happen between the individual sessions in order to let the 3 brains process and get clarity before the next part of the session. I would definitely have to try it to see if that would be an option. All I can say is there is an active curiosity for me and a belief of The Power of the Pause!!

[Nadine]

Thank you for sharing your experience Sheri. You made several points in your post that greatly caught my attention.
First, how the nature connection piece is what distinguishes us from the mainstream coaches, and curiously enough, I realize I have not intentionally practiced that part as much as the others teachings, e.g brain, Partworks, trauma… yet this is where the power resides, there is where our power as coaches is.
I also recognized myself as I too have a tendency to ask my client if she has a need to ground at the start of a session. Not only do I give my client an easy out, but I honestly feel relieved when they reply they don’t need to. That is because I don’t feel comfortable leading these exercises yet. Mm!
Another good reminder for me is to ask the client to define the term they used. That prevents us from having a disconnected conversation.
And I totally related when you said the understanding of change theory and awareness is helping us better guide our clients through a scientific understanding that makes sense to them.
The last part, maybe the most important for me, is to practice the pause, and not rush into the next question or the next comment. So easy yet so hard to do.
Thank you for all of that Sheri.

[taylor.j.short]

Initial Post:
• What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
This was a new client and someone I didn’t know. I established the coaching relationship with him through a few different ways. First, in a discovery call to see what he was looking for, explain what coaching was and to see if it was a good fit. Secondly, as he signed on, I sent over my disclosure form to further seal our coaching relationship. I like to make sure the housekeeping is done up front and out of the way, so we are both on the same page moving forward.

• How did or could the concepts learned this last weekend fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
I could not stop thinking about the depths of the grand canyon patterns in his brain. He was wanting to shift a long-term habitual pattern that even though was no longer serving him, was comfortable and what he was used to. I could so easily see the compassion and what he was up against wanting to move forward.
• How did or could you collaborate with Nature and combine the concepts learned this last weekend with Coaching principles?
I didn’t collaborate with nature in the traditional sense here. In our first session, I simply asked about how often he was getting outside of his apartment. He wasn’t really leaving his apartment at all. So, meeting him where he was, I simply suggested one of his first steps should be getting outside and moving his body in some way at least once a day (working towards his larger goals of feeling better and less depressed in life). He later told me that he went out for a run after our session and felt like a million bucks. I am reminded that working and incorporating nature can look VERY different based on our clients and where they currently are. With this client, it was starting with the simplest step of getting outside at all.

• What challenges did you face? How did you adapt?
For this particular client, we soon realized he was not looking for a coach. This was a super challenging, but wildly informative experience for me. We uncovered this with this repeated unwillingness to put forth any effort for himself. He really wanted me to tell him exactly what to do and then tell me whether it worked or not. Clearly not coaching. From this, I learned a lot and took this into my last ICF Mentor call to understand how to better prepare for this in the future.

• What flowed and how did you build off it?
In the few sessions we did have, he mentioned a few times he really enjoyed when I was simply asking him questions. Whenever I would try to explain anything, he would get frustrated. This was also good for me to understand that a coaching relationship is client-led, but the coach has a seat at the table as well… HOWEVER, good to realize that all clients are different and some don’t care for the explanation on what is going on in their head (the science part). I tend to love the why, so it is good to learn how to scale back to work with the client I am meeting with.

• What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
I learned that it’s okay to not get everything right in coaching. It’s okay not to do anything you think you “should” and simply go with the flow. It’s okay to let clients go, when you know they aren’t truly looking for a coach.

• What ideas do you have for how you might use the concepts learned this last weekend and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?
I am truly jazzed about learning more about the brain. I really geek out and love the science aspect and am fascinated by how our bodies are simply INCREDIBLE. So, I bought all the books and truly do intend on continuing to learn more and more about change, how we work and neuroplasticity. I’d love to offer a workshop in the future on this.
• How do change theory and neuroscience principals effect or enhance your Coaching Presence and approach?
Right now, I know just enough to be dangerous. In time, it will make me more confident and it already has given me so much inspiration to shout from the rooftops how incredible and powerful we are to change our lives in the ways we desire.

[Matthew Nannis]

Taylor: thank you for sharing this experience about a not-quite-fit! This has happened a handful of times for me both with clients and in recovery work outside of the NCC coaching lane. It is so reaffirming to read your take of the experience. That it can be, in fact, quite a challenging one. I am so curious as to the way you and this individual navigated the closing of the session. Or rather, how you both came to the conclusion it wasn’t what he was looking for. Just my own curiosity there. I also appreciate you owning how fascinating you find the “why” and wanting to enthusiastically share that/convey that with a client. AND how that is not necessarily what the client is into. It’s such a dance, isn’t it?

[Amber McCormick]

Taylor, like Matt said, I appreciate you speaking to the fact that sometimes clients aren’t a good fit. I know I’m late to the game in this response, but I’m also curious about how you guys parted ways once you realized it wasn’t a good fit. I also noticed the contradictions in the client that further made him not a coachable client. He wanted you to tell him what to do and then you said he reported that he enjoyed when you asked questions but that he got frustrated when you tried to explain things. This dynamic sets up so many hardships for trying to work together to make progress. Thank you for speaking to this. I think sometimes it’s easy to think that these mismatches are failures, when they really just aren’t a good fit.

I also appreciated your point about meeting clients where they are when it comes to nature. I often have people get overwhelmed when I say that I am a nature-based life coach. They think wilderness and it scares them. Or they think they live in the city and it’s not for them. When I explain that everything is nature, I can visibly see the relief. I think suggesting a walk outside is brilliant as a starting point for someone with depression. It sounds like you did a fantastic job navigating a tough client!

[taylor.j.short]

Nadine! Your creative expression and playfulness as a coach has me super inspired. I love your clarity as well on knowing exactly where you and your client have been over sessions, keeping an eye on the goal, but not letting that get in your way of coaching. It is nice to hear how you go with the flow. And what fun to have a client who you love to coach in that way! Thank you for sharing!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Taylor – What a learning experience you had with this client! Am assuming he isn’t a client now after you came to the realization that he didn’t want a coach but more looking for someone to give him the answers? Or is this something you feel you can work with to change the long-term habitual patterns and lack of effort on his part? I know you said he really wasn’t into explanations but sounds like a lot came to you as you worked through the science of where this client was/is coming from.

Also, really astute to come to him from his perspective of nature vs. what we think of. I always feel like it’s a fallback to do a wander outdoors or what we love doing in the outdoors. I’m totally guilty of that. But really it needs to be what the client’s relationship with nature is, whatever that is.

Good luck with all the reading and gaining more knowledge! Excited to hear what comes out of your workshop (or workshops) as this grows for you.

[Kim Gilchrist]

So true Nadine! By doing the session the way we did, the pauses had to happen. This was a good learning for me too since I do tend to want to allow for a little pause then fill in. This made the pause be what it needed to be. And loving your idea of creating that type of experience as well. Am curious to play with this power of the pause more and to hear from you what grows from this as well!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Summary Post
Well who would’ve thought that I’d really like and understand the science part of this! So not where my comfort level is usually. But there is much to learn from being aware of the workings and allowing for the organic nature of the brain’s learning and re-learning. The whole concept of neuroplasticity and re-programming is coming clearer to me as I work with different clients. Since I wrote this initial post I’ve had the opportunity to work with two new clients. One really wants to tell a new story so we spent time in the current myth that he is living until we got to the deeper need. And it’s all about telling a new story and carving out that new pattern. I believe that we started on the path of re-programming when we got to that moment – you could just see it click in! As we work together more, I trust that new pathway will deepen and grow so it becomes the new story for him. The other client is completely embedded in her story. And she wants to stay there for now. She’s so programmed into it and so comfortable there that a new story is like a roadblock that turns her back around. Hopefully we can get through it! But just stepping back and observing these two really helped open me up to seeing the scientific side outside of the intensive and our EBI world. Guess I’m working on some re-programming too! Love that!!

[taylor.j.short]

Summary Post:

We are at the tail end here and I will continue to reiterate how incredible it is that we are all so unique in our approaches and work with our clients. I love this so much and love the freedom and opportunity to weave in the science of brain and change when and where it feels valuable. Personally, I am jazzed about it for my own growth as well, but will certainly continue to learn and implement as I grow as a coach. It is important to me that we keep understanding and appreciating how massively intelligent our minds and bodies are.