-
Discussion- Brain 2 and Change (June 2020)
-
SUMMARY POST: What have I learned in this module? I am just scraping the surface of what there is to learn regarding the brain and change. My biggest take away is that we are incredibly, miraculously made. Our bodies have the ability to heal and our mind does too! Nothing is so set in stone that it cannot be overcome, or rerouted, with proper awareness, consistent effort, and time. With the understanding I now have from this module I feel much more confident in guiding a client through a change process. Whether I am using this education for my awareness in guiding others or taking the time to share the knowledge, educating them to better understand what is happening will depend upon the client. As Taylor mentioned above, some clients will benefit from the understanding of why this is working, others will just want to see results. My comfort in being able to explain that there is a reason for why things are happening, patterns, grand canyon pathways, etc. and hope for change based in science is exciting! I have so much more to learn and am intrigued to keep at it. This is such a key aspect of coaching, I believe change is the main purpose for which my clients will seek me out. I can provide them with more than support, belief in them, and encouragement that they can change, but also an understanding of the how, why, and even why it maybe hasn’t worked in the past. Honored to provide this guidance and walk along their journey to the new them!
-
SUMMARY POST
Brain 2 was a powerful module for me as it incorporated a lot of the information received throughout our NCC training and integrated it in a much deeper way into my brain. At this point, it feels like this knowledge is part of a database I could easily access and introduce organically during my coaching sessions and that feels encouraging.Coaching is about changing the brain. This process is not easy, it does not happen overnight and it can bring a great deal of discomfort. It takes repetitions, commitment, and compassion. I believe I can help the client understand this upfront by sharing some of the science behind neuroplasticity. And maybe part of an initial when I interview the client. This would quickly get us to grasp the power of the intention and that it is the anchor of the coaching. Thinking through this a bit more, it might be helpful for me to have a list of facts to share. Though initially received as fun facts about the brain, a few powerful stats that are easily digestible, eventually the client might draw the full meaning of it by tying to their behavior, as I did. In some respect, all the information Michael shared was interesting and informative until I could relate it to my behaviors, the ones I keep repeating that are no longer serving me.
And I realize that having this information will not be enough to trigger a change. But it brings awareness, and allows me/the client to make informed decisions, and increased awareness. Even though all this information is available to me, I continue making decisions that do not support my new way of being. This is interesting and powerful to watch. So what is missing?
Maybe the lack of a well defined intention, or an intention that is not juicy enough to get me to stop sabotaging myself. What is my deeper need? And how can we help the client define it in a way that goes beyond a thing to get to?
-
Initial response- Sorry for the late submission I thought I’d already done this! I’m going to use a few sessions melted together to write this response rather than a specific one.
What stood out for me the most with the brain and change 2 intensive is the Reticular Activating system. I’ve mentioned this to a few clients, and some friends and family in passing as well. It’s a great way to change perspective and see and hear more of what that 2% of our brain takes in! This relates too to the old/new personality because if we’re always looking for/at the same thing or things the same way we won’t notice or see the new opportunities and options available to us. It makes me think of “ having an open mind” and the questions “ What would you do if you didn’t have to deal with this issue/problem?” which really brings up the new personality and vision, and often brings up some excitement into the session, or some deep thought and exploration.
With a recent client she changed her perspective and how she was looking at a situation just by looking at a situation from a different angle and the whole situation changed. She could see who she needed to be and what she needed to do to achieve her goal, and where she’d since this or realized this before. -
I’m going to call this initial post part 2 as I read others responses and add to what I missed in my original initial post 🙂
While I was reading Sheri’s initial response I agree of how our coaching is different because we set the intention to connect, I was reminded of a session where a client seemed to be stuck in and acknowledged an under lying sense of panic. I had her describe where it was in her bod, give it a shape, a colour, etc and release it. She was unable to release it completely but I did invite her to throw a rock and she said that movement and release felt good and that it definitely now felt manageable and she said she would be able to do that on her own again in the future if/wen it arose. This exercise gave her space to work around it and see past it.
I recently read the Changing for Good.. book and really enjoyed it. My understanding of the change process and known where my client is, and possibly stuck in that cycle in very helpful, and I’ve shared the steps with one client in particular and it was helpful for her to see that contemplating and planning are not “doing nothing”. -
Kim I love how you can let your clients thing and let it sink in while they’re biking and then stop in the shade, etc. I’d like to incorporate of walking in silence while the client digests or ponders into my sessions.
-
Nadine I love telling clients and ppl in general about the RAS! … Something Sheri showed me a while ago on the jamboard, if that’s what your client used, is that you can change the size of the sticky notes, so I shrunk my introjects and it felt really powerful!
-
Taylor I’ve had some of those “seeing the Grand Canyon” moments with a client of mine as well. She’s older and I admire her strength and courage to change and rewire later in life but I also see how comfort can seem to be a roadblock. I’ve definitely had some clients glaze over if I talk about the science side of things but I know it helps us as coaches and that even if they don’t want to hear it I feel it gives me confidence, or maybe more so the client that we know what we’re talking about!
-
Summary post –
There is so much going on in our little brains that it truly boggles mine. It definitely makes me a more confident coach knowing how the brain works and being able to share that with clients is such a great opportunity to show them that change is possible and that they are progressing even if they sometimes they feel they are not. I know that in my own personal experiences that I’ve rewired parts of my neural circuitry and created new grand canyons and old ones are no longer in use and that those changes have brought me here to guide and coach others. Just like when we hurt a limb or get a scratch and have to exercise and move it so it heals properly, (both can itch yes your brain can itch as it heals and it feels so very strange) it takes work, intention, practice and support. I am honoured to be able to support and guide my clients as they grow and heal -
INITIAL: I actually had a new client sign up through Psychology Today page for the first time, which was exciting. We spent a LOT of time in the story and then there was consistently a sudden and abrupt stop when we got to the general vicinity of conflict/need. The deeper dive into Brain 2 was able to provide me with a lot of patience and awareness around what I perceived to be blind spots? The awareness of the want was there, it was there from the first few minutes of the video call. And it was really interesting to basically be listening to this client describe what needed to be removed/altered/updated as far as her behavior. There was a lot of time during this particular session exploring the question that Michael presented to our cohort: “If you didn’t have to resolve this, how would you feel?”. We kept returning to this at about the 45 min mark in a variety of wording and then we stepped away from it and got back in to the story. It was fascinating to almost sense how efficiently this client’s brain was sticking with the rut that they found themselves in through conditioned behavior. The details around what new behaviors were desired was crystal clear. However, it became clear eventually that these ‘new behaviors’ were actually assigned to this client from the client’s partner. That this session was happening because there was trouble in the relationship and their behavior was now being met with ultimatums. This clarity actually resulted in my feeling more comfortable with the rut I was witnessing as it felt very similar to other mandated clients that I’ve worked with for a while now. Not that this person was ordered to seek NCC so much as the motivation was external. It aloud us to spend time discussing Intention for the balance of the session. As it is still quite a new depth of the concepts from this last intensive, I wasn’t really using the vocabulary as it was presented per se; however, we talked a lot about motivating factors, inside and out. We explored where there might be overlap with what others wanted/expected for this person and what this person wanted themselves. I am hopeful that we can come up with a long-term coaching agreement as I noticed a number of elements to this person’s story, this person’s “why” that resonated with not only my own, but also those with whom I have worked over the years. We shall see how it plays out.
-
SUMMARY: I feel that the more insights into the intricacies of brain function as it relates to change really helps me hold space for the process that my client is taking on. This is a PROCESS. And the validation from recognizing the Sisyphus like climb that might potentially lie before our clients is a wonderful place to build the foundation of the coach client relationship. The impact that this intensive and the way it has informed my engagement with clients has me seeking out the next training and the next one! To continue to find and practice all these access points to support healing and growth (and actualization?!). I continuously return to something Katie Asmus brought up throughout our trauma intensive: that, when there is safety and security, the mind and body heal themselves. The more of these tools I can continue to integrate into how I show up for clients and humans in my life in general, the more healing and growth I can have the privilege of being a part of as I travel my own road!
-
INITIAL POST: My apologies for being a little late to the game here! Establishing the coaching relationship and starting the session was actually one of the biggest challenges I faced in this session. Starting my session with my client was difficult because he wasn’t sure what he wanted to work on. He mentioned having a few ideas, but he wasn’t sure which to pick. This was our first time working together so I had the sense that having him put it all on the table up front would be a little too intense. Instead, I asked him to take a minute to drop in, take a few surrender breaths, and then one at a time explore the ideas that were coming to him. I asked him to pay attention to his body sensations and notice if there was one in particular that stood out. This worked really well for him and within a minute he had an excellent topic for our coaching session. While I encourage clients to come to the session with something to work on, I have run into this several times. I’ll definitely use this technique again in the future when it’s warranted.
My reflections during the session felt powerful and accurate. Sometimes I would use exact phrases, but most of the time I would paraphrase. I noticed that these reflections hit him deeply and allowed him to process his current beliefs through a new lens. After each reflection, there was a long pause where I could tell that there was a lot going on in his brain. The energy was slow and present and I could tell he was accessing the high road loop and creating change.
There was a beautiful flow to this session where the topic we were exploring was actually a behaviour I was modeling throughout the session. It was hard not to bluntly acknowledge this, but holding back paid off. I continued to ask powerful questions and guide him towards his own conclusions. I was able to identify an introject and, without naming it, I asked questions around his beliefs around authority, friendliness, kindness, etc. It was fascinating watching him tease out his beliefs around these words. Once he had named it, I asked him a few very direct questions to have him question his own beliefs- could these things exist simultaneously or differently than he described? I could feel everything drop when he had the “aha” moment. It was powerful and even though we were not physically in the same space, I could feel it. He quickly tried to move on to another topic after this, but I could tell it was an important shift in his thought patterns. I brought him back to this realization and had him form a mantra. My hope was that the mantra would be a touch point for him to engage neuroplasticity and help this new belief integrate. I would have liked to have done a meditation with him to embody it, but we ran out of time. For me, what was best about this session is that about a week later he texted me to let me know what a profound impact this session had on him. He was continuing to work on his mantra and I could tell it was a life-altering shift for him. It reminded me that these moments are exactly why I am here and doing this work.
One thing I learned about myself during this session was to trust my gut in following where my client needs to go. Sometimes I get self-conscious and worry that I’m going to push too hard, or be too forward, or bring them down the wrong path. I’m learning that typically my gut is guiding me down the right path and that my forwardness is usually when my clients have their biggest breakthroughs. I need to trust that I have established a safe space for my clients where they will tell me if I’m off track or not resonating with them (and they have in the past when this has happened).
-
My biggest takeaways from this module are around the process of change and why it is so hard to create lasting change. The things that stand out to me most are:
-Change creates change in the brain that essentially creates a new person
-The part of the brain that is responsible for conscious decision making is significantly slower than the part of the brain that keeps us going. This offers so much relief and space for self compassion when we or clients “fail” in the process of change. It takes many iterations of actively CHOOSING the new path.
-The power of the pause- there is so much going on in the brain when our clients are processing. Rather than seeing this pause as time that I’m not doing anything, I see it as powerful processing time for my client. SO much is going on, processing, rewiring, and changing. I learned that honoring the pause is honoring my client and their process. -
Initial post Brain n Change 2
This is a client with whom I have an established coaching relationship. In recent times, by mutual agreement, I do not coach her because she asked me to work informally with her daughter. To prevent conflicting loyalties my focus has been on her 21 yo daughter but every now and again she checks in.
This particular check-in she was in a somewhat frenzied state as she rambled on with her concerns. Her current situation and worries for her daughter combined with her having just sold the house she grew up in and having celebrated her 1 year relationship anniversary with a man she loves, triggered a lot of emotions and a sense of instability. In our discussion I asked simple questions and listened to her awareness around what she was experiencing in herself. She spoke fervently for quite a time before I asked her if she felt defensive. The question was barely out of my mouth when she adamantly said “yes”. She told me her boyfriend implied the same notion when he lovingly told her he doesn’t want her to ever feel she needs to be defensive with him. She continue with her story, the defensiveness still in her voice. I asked her, “who are you defending yourself from”. Silence!! It was a light bulb moment.
It was in this moment she realized her stories all came from her memories and her insecurities. She was not living in or being aware of the present moment. We discussed the brain and the nervous system and how we become patterned in the way we live in the world. I even mentioned Joe Dispenza’s statement that we think 80 to 90% of the same thoughts day after day. I asked her if she thought it would be possible to make big changes when thinking the same thoughts, saying the same things and basically doing the same things day after day. Her pfc started to light up. She told me of all the things she was doing to heal her life and especially the trauma of her childhood. She came to the conclusion that she was defending herself not from me or anyone else but from herself. She was trying to convince herself that she was not a bad person she was a good person, someone she could like. She also connected her need to fix things for others as part of this defensiveness. This need was something she had mentioned to me in the past so it was interesting that she made the connection in this conversation.
I asked her, what if you didn’t defend yourself, what if you didn’t have to prove anything? What would it look like? That was hard for her to answer.
Her initial complaint when I spoke with her had to do with the imperfections of the people around her, even though she loved them. The deeper need was seen and felt and the focus then shifted to wanting self-acceptance so that she no longer felt defensive and no longer needed to fix things for others to feel good about herself.
In asking how she might go about this she felt the biggest step was to become self-aware. Her understanding of herself, how her past effected and motivated her, gave her the clarity she needed to create change. If she could become consciously aware of when her behaviors were slipping back into the old behaviors and perceptions, she could shift it into healthy behaviors. This was the perfect segue to a discussion on the old personality, the habitual ceremony of self (though I didn’t use that terminology) and creating a new personality. I taught her how to visualize and feel into the new personality. I suggested she practice this daily and particularly in the morning when she was setting the tone for her day. She agreed and said she felt this would work for her. We had figured out a way to SNAG her brain.
She also said she thought her boyfriend would be helpful in that he could let her know when she was slipping into her old patterns.
In this situation I couldn’t offer reinforcement or ways to hold her accountable because our communication was too spotty. But I did suggest she consider ways her boyfriend might help to hold her accountable!
This all happened via telephone so there was no real opportunity to create a nature connected practice. At the time I was walking in the woods so during our conversation every now and then I would interject with things I was seeing around me and sometimes offer a metaphor. So I at least set an example.
All in all, I was happy with the flow of the session and was actually amazed at how little talking I needed to do. It seemed, because of the amount of coaching we had done previously, that she had learned to listen to herself and self-reflect as she was speaking. Often after long rambles she would then tell me what it meant and why – not unlike the use of the sacred questions. Sometimes I was about to ask or say something and then she would come out with her own profound insights. My sense is coaching gets easier as clients get to know themselves better and become more comfortable with looking inward.
-
I love the Brain and Change lessons and find that my enthusiasm for it is contagious to my clients. My approach to the science is one of mystery and exploration. As has been stated repeatedly, we are nature and understanding the brain and nervous system is to begin to understand the wisdom and mystery of the nature that has created us and that we are an integral part of. Coming from a holistic health, largely naturopathic background I completely agree with Katie Asmus (thanks for the reminder Matt) when she explains the power of safety and security to heal mind and body. When the body is given the support it need, supplements, foods, movement, sleep, etc…it heals. The same can be said of the mind, and the more we understand the brain and nervous system the more we can figure out what it takes to provide the safety and security that facilitates healing. It is individual to the individual.
Besides the above my take away from this session is a foundational understanding of how the various parts of the brain contribute to neuroplasticity. There are so many areas to the brain it is complex and yet as my understanding increases it sometimes seems simple. Like melody, one of my favorite parts, and I talk a lot about it with my clients, is the RAS. How awesome the power of being able to program the mind to seek out and bring to us that which we looking for. And the Prefrontal cortex, wow, take the high road and change your life. I know it’s not that easy but with practice and focus we can change the habit of being ourselves and move from the old personality to a new personality. We have the potential to heal on all levels.
I think what I love most about brain and change is the hope that it provides. Life is not meant to be stagnant. Physically and mindfully we are meant to move to be adaptable (resilient) and to evolve. For those who are not happy with their lives or aspects of their lives becoming informed about the nervous system , the grand canyon, the well-worn paths and the neuroplasticy to create new paths provides hope. My take away from the Brain and Change module is that there is always hope.
